Saturday Night’s All Right for Dining (Solo)

No bio available

Scary Mommy blogger and author Jill Smokler shares the pleasures of dining alone on a Saturday nightBy Jill Smokler
Author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy

Have you ever wondered how to tell if an unknown woman is a mother or not? Well, there is one sure-fire way to tell the mothers of the world from non-mothers of the word and it doesn’t even involve checking their stomachs for stretch marks. Walk into a restaurant, alone, on a Saturday evening. Go to the hostess stand and ask for a table. When prompted for the number in your party simply respond, “One.”

Watch for the hostess’ reaction. You will know in an instant if she is or is not a mother herself.

The non-mother will look at you with pity in her eyes. She will wonder if you’ve recently split with your husband or have been fired from a job. Did your mother die? Your best friend get diagnosed with cancer? What has a grown woman done to be eating alone on a Saturday night? Poor, poor you.

She will make small talk as she escorts you to a discreet location in the back, by the restrooms. She’ll ask the waitress to be extra nice to you. You deserve it, after all. You’re dining all alone on a Saturday night.

But, if the hostess is herself a mother, your request will be met with pure envy. A meal with no children’s menus, no bickering and no meltdowns over the wrong mac and cheese. A meal of peace and quiet and good food and a drink. Alone. A meal with someone else doing the cooking and serving and cleaning. It’s almost too good to be true.

Is it your birthday? Your anniversary? Did you just get a new job? Sign a book deal? Cure cancer? What has a grown woman done to be eating alone on a Saturday night? She’ll ask the waitress to be extra nice to you. You must deserve it, after all.

You’re dining all alone on a Saturday night.

Jill Smokler blogs about motherhood; the good, the bad, and the scary at scarymommy.com. You can follow her on Twitter as @ScaryMommy or join her on Facebook.

parents-students_300

Stop Volunteering at Your Kid’s School: Here’s Why

Amanda Ripley is a literary journalist whose stories on human behavior and public policy have appeared in Time, The Atlantic, and Slate and helped Time win two National Magazine Awards. To discuss her work, she has appeared on ABC, NBC, CNN, FOX News, and NPR. Ripley’s first book, The Unthinkable, was published in fifteen countries and turned into a PBS documentary.

GirlsThankSenior567

Why Expressing Gratitude Is Important, before It’s Too Late

Theresa Caputo was born and raised on Long Island in Hicksville, New York, and lives with her husband and two children. Theresa has been a practicing medium for over ten years. She started her business with just a business card and word of mouth and was booked for two years even before Long Island Medium aired on TLC. She now has a growing wait list. There’s More to Life Than This, Theresa’s first book, became an instant New York Times bestseller.

More Stories >