Dating Advice, Relationships

The Secret to Keeping Him Committed, from a Guy’s Point of View

64 Comments 05 February 2013

Commitment_400Should we help him feel like a “conqueror”? Allowing men to take the lead sometimes helps men stay committed to the relationship. From  Death of the Cheating Man: What Every Woman Must Know about Men Who Stray.

Helping a man feel like a conqueror will help him want to stay committed. It may sound odd to women, but it can be easier than you may think.

Why do men love a “ride-or-die woman”? “She doesn’t get in the way,” one of my buddies told me about his wife. It’s true; she allows him to do the things that cause him to feel like a conqueror and that helps him to feel like she’s going to ride with him no matter what. When a man feels that he has this type of woman, he will go the extra mile to stay committed because he sees her as an asset to his life. And ladies, keep in mind that just because you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that you’re an asset…many women become liabilities.

Men love to feel like a woman will do something out of her comfort zone for us. In other words, she’ll ride, no matter what. It’s all about the little things that help us keep our heads in the commitment.

For instance, a man wants to take on a task that you see is menial. If a woman makes him fight or justify it, then she may cause him to flee. Allowing him to do it without hassle, and trusting that he is a faithful man who simply needs to conquer something, will make all the difference in the world.

I’m not suggesting that women should give men whatever they want all the time, but it’s important for women to know that a man doesn’t always want what he’s asking for; he wants to know that his woman will ride with him if he asks. That makes him feel like a conqueror and that he has a ride-or-die type of woman.

It’s really that simple…the small things make a man feel like a king!

Little do most women know that a small task like pushing the elevator button can be important to a man. We have all been in the elevator when a little boy gets in and wants to push the elevator button and his mom lets him do it. What seems like such a menial thing to a woman can be a task of conquering for a man.

I used to have a girlfriend that battled me on simple issues like where we parked when we went somewhere. No matter where I wanted to park, she’d argue that we should park somewhere else. To her she had just as much right to pick the parking place as I did.

While she was in the right to voice her opinion about the parking decision, battling me over an issue where I needed to feel like a conqueror only served to cause me to try harder to conquer. So we’d argue back and forth and I’d park where I wanted to just to conquer, or I’d reluctantly give
in and flee. For a while I pleaded my case to her and tried to get her to understand that little things were important to me as a man. But she decided that it was more important to her that we were equal in all decisions and in the long run, our relationship was lost in her conquest.

However, my next girlfriend saw that this was important to me, so instead, she placed her concerns on making sure that we were always on time and as long as we were safe, she allowed me to choose the parking without hassle. Again, it may sound like no big deal to a woman, but making that small decision helped me to feel like I had conquered, and in return, I made sure I accommodated her desire to always be on time.

Those little nuances serve to remind a man how valuable a woman is in the moments where he may tire of commitment.

On a larger scale, the thing that most faithful men complain about is that they can’t get sex when they want it in a committed relationship. When a man is single or cheating, he can have sex at random or whenever he wants it. But when he’s in a committed relationship, his sexual fulfillment is based 100 percent on the clock of his woman.

As I said earlier what many women may not see is that for a faithful man, being committed to a relationship gives us a sense of entitlement to sex. If we can’t have it at our leisure, we feel rejected and no conqueror thinks he should ever be rejected. If it persists, we won’t cheat, but it can cause us to pull away from the commitment.

Ladies, I understand that men always want sex and that can be inconvenient for a woman. Some women complain that they love having sex with their man, but they can’t keep up with giving it the way a man needs it—all the time.

When a woman shows frustration, she can cause a man to feel that he isn’t welcome to have what he believes is his. Because he can’t take the cave man approach and drag her into his cave, he may retreat in frustration. This causes a lot of men to pull away over time and want to get out of the commitment where he is faced with such restriction.

Instead of completely turning him away, another approach is for a woman to negotiate without him knowing. Let him know that if he’s willing to wait until the more convenient time, he can have it the way he likes it. This helps him feel like he can have it if he wants, but that she will fulfill his larger desire if he nurtures her needs as well.

As women find themselves at these little crossroads every day in relationships with faithful men, they can keep us engaged in commitment by allowing us the small things that make us feel like conquerors. Remember, just because a guy doesn’t cheat, doesn’t mean he doesn’t still have all the desires of a conquering man.

If you help your man feel like a conqueror, then he’ll be less likely to stray and look for other places or things to conquer. So don’t underestimate the power of the small things. Remember that if it seems small to you, it’s probably big to him.

Death of the Cheating Man: What Every Woman Must Know about Men Who Stray

Death of the Cheating Man: What Every Woman Must Know about Men Who Stray

Maxwell Billieon and Ray J

Author

Celebrity personality and multi-platinum artist Ray J became a household name as his public relationships with a bevy of beautiful Hollywood starlets made pop culture headlines all over the world. His playboy persona spawned the hit television shows, For the Love of Ray J, and the spin-off, Brandy & Ray J—A Family Business, adjoining his string of hit albums Raydiation and All I Feel. Ray J lives in Beverly Hills, California.

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64 Comments so far

  1. Grace says:

    I have done all of these things and more, yet I find myself with a man that’s not willing to fully commit to our partnership. He’s been looking for jobs out-of-state, yet he does not want to include me in those plans. He says that if he does get a job out-of-state, asking me to move with him would be a “big step” that he’s not “willing to commit to right now”. He told me he wanted to keep what we have and “figure it out when the time comes.” Could someone help me understand this from a man’s perspective? He told me he loves me, he’s serious about me, and wants a long-term relationship… so why do I feel like I am being taken for granted?

  2. kristin says:

    And this entire explanation of how men are is exactly why I am glad to be divorced. These “small” things that are such a huge deal to a guy makes him a big baby in my opinion. I mean, really? Your sense of importance is totally crushed because your GF thinks you could have picked a better parking spot?? Know what a girl would say if her man objected to where she parked? She’d say, “well, OK, where should I park then?” She might be a bit annoyed but it would take her 2 seconds to GET OVER IT. When I was married [13 yrs], my ex did many dumb things around the house and I made sure he knew it because it made my life more difficult. Why should a woman have to put up with inconsiderate behavior? I’d rather speak up than bite my tongue and be irritated all the time, even if that means divorce. The way I read this article – and I believe the key to staying married: is to coddle a man’s ego/self-esteem, put up with lots of stupid behavior (no matter how much it inconveniences you – like cleaning up his mess for the 100th time)and make damn sure you keep your mouth shut about it. Essentially, you need to put his needs ahead of yours because like a 4 yr old, you can’t hurt the poor mans feelings now, poor BABY. Ugh, I’m never getting married again!But thanks for explaining exactly how men are

  3. Nicole says:

    You actually used the sentence ‘you can’t drag her to the cave’ anymore so you are frustrated when she refuses sex? I really do try not to be bitter about men but my God most of you are babies. Your new gf is an insecure dormant and your ex was probably smarter and more independent

  4. Vindic says:

    Wow. This sounds like it was written by a rapist.

  5. Sue Blue says:

    This is just horrific – for both men and women. Men are individuals, not mindless sex machines. Women do not exist simply to fulfill any male’s sexual desires. Communication with each other as human beings with feelings, moods, and RIGHTS is the key to intimacy and happiness as a couple, not insisting that men must be relentless penile pile-drivers and women must be ready to spread their legs at a moment’s notice whether they want it or not.

    This is the kind of entitlement thinking that perpetuates harmful male and female stereotypes, misogyny, and rape culture. Please stop!!!

  6. AAAtheist says:

    (* Groan. *)

    How can I get away from this guy? Seriously, no matter where I turn, no matter how I try to get away from him, he always seems to turn up. He’s the guy that knows what men are like, who’s got the inside scoop on “the ladiez,” and just has to share his opinion about it. He doesn’t realize, or doesn’t care, that he’s ceaselessly boring and that people have been trying to get away from him since grade school.

    Can we put him, and those like him, in a cave somewhere, check in on them occasionally to make sure they’re fed and clothed, and then invite them back into adult civilized society when they’re ready to behave and do outrageous things like not leading with their first impulses, listening to people, taking people at their word, and adjusting behavior accordingly?

    Can we? Please can we? ; – )

  7. Random says:

    How many women has this guy raped? This article reads like he’s admitting to doing just that, especially referring to “his woman” as if she’s his slave not his partner.

    Men and women can’t have sex whenever they want it. They have to have a willing partner first.

  8. InDogITrust says:

    What on earth makes this guy think a decent woman would even want to be in a relationship with him? And no decent man would want to be in a relationship with a woman who would put up with this nonsense.
    The author sounds like a strutting chihuahua who will dissolve into a scream-fest the moment he sees another dog. Seriously dude, grow up.

  9. Beroli says:

    I have done all of these things and more, […]Could someone help me understand this from a man’s perspective? He told me he loves me, he’s serious about me, and wants a long-term relationship… so why do I feel like I am being taken for granted?

    Well, you asked for a man’s perspective, so:

    I have done all of these things and more,

    There’s your answer. You let him treat you like a doormat and so he’s doing so. There are men out there, a lot of them, who will treat you as a partner and an equal if you make it clear that’s what you want. There are no men out there who will both simultaneously treat you like property and respect you.

  10. Mellrose says:

    I’m sorry but this article is ridiculous. Men needing to feel like they are in the lead and in control. Seriously most men are babies and they complain about not getting guy time as if they are 12 years old. The truth is women in general no longer need men and men hate it. Holding out on commitment to us is the only card they have left to play.
    I am engaged and my partner has had to fight for me every step of the way. Ill decide when I’m ready to marry and if I want to. I certainly won’t be making it my only desire in life. What a joke.

    Ill have sex when I want to. I won’t be sitting around waiting for when he is done going out with mates or watching football and be ready for it as if I am his possession.
    Take it or leave it but men have lost all the power and they can’t handle it.
    Whoever wrote this has watched far too many seasons of mad men ..

  11. Faceball says:

    There is a logic to things…..

    As far as sex goes, and commitment. Part of the commitment is knowing the habits of your loved one, as well as energy levels.

    Having enough energy to have sex and perform in bed is important too. When my fiancee says “no” when I feel like it, I respect her for telling me. Truth be told in my case I enjoy the foreplay and everything leading up to sex as much (or more) as the sex.

    I find the absolute worse is not a girl saying “no”, but a girl saying yes, and not having enough energy to perform. We take our turns with each other and it lsdtd s very long time…between two hours and four hours is our average.

    To me its not the whole idea of “the conquerer” that is as important as the worth of the one being conquered…or the idea that the girl can learn enough to conquer for herself, be daring and even impress.

    If a guy wants it easy, then what will happen is that sex will become routine and procedural, and all the love and romance will be stripped from it. In my case, I love it when my girl finds a real sexy counter I never thought of before…

    ….gets me to really say “thank you” and “I love you” when she totally finds a new way to take me i had thought as unimaginable.

    My point is that you want a girl who can fight, adapt, stand her ground within reason…..and measure up to herself to be good. All that exploration can lead to real mature love, as well as the greatest love you have felt from anyone wether you are in bed, or out of bed.

    I’ve been together with my girl for nine years but I have known her for forteen years. It has not been perfect, but we keep learning from each other and making the best of it.

  12. Shree says:

    some really good tips here ;)

  13. Truth says:

    Well as a man that recently met a woman to be in a relationship with, i am very happy since going out was like a joke to me when most women were so drunk to begin with, and most of the time men and women usually meet each other outside of the club scene.

  14. Jen says:

    He can have sex whenever he wants it? Like its his right? Oh later honey however you want it? You can tell a man wrote this article ! N I agree sounds like a big baby to me! Sorry my body is my body not his possession to treat anyway he wants it….. I’d rather b single this article is disgusting


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