Dating Advice, Relationships

The Secret to Keeping Him Committed, from a Guy’s Point of View

50 Comments 05 February 2013

Commitment_400Should we help him feel like a “conqueror”? Allowing men to take the lead sometimes helps men stay committed to the relationship. From  Death of the Cheating Man: What Every Woman Must Know about Men Who Stray.

Helping a man feel like a conqueror will help him want to stay committed. It may sound odd to women, but it can be easier than you may think.

Why do men love a “ride-or-die woman”? “She doesn’t get in the way,” one of my buddies told me about his wife. It’s true; she allows him to do the things that cause him to feel like a conqueror and that helps him to feel like she’s going to ride with him no matter what. When a man feels that he has this type of woman, he will go the extra mile to stay committed because he sees her as an asset to his life. And ladies, keep in mind that just because you are in a relationship, doesn’t mean that you’re an asset…many women become liabilities.

Men love to feel like a woman will do something out of her comfort zone for us. In other words, she’ll ride, no matter what. It’s all about the little things that help us keep our heads in the commitment.

For instance, a man wants to take on a task that you see is menial. If a woman makes him fight or justify it, then she may cause him to flee. Allowing him to do it without hassle, and trusting that he is a faithful man who simply needs to conquer something, will make all the difference in the world.

I’m not suggesting that women should give men whatever they want all the time, but it’s important for women to know that a man doesn’t always want what he’s asking for; he wants to know that his woman will ride with him if he asks. That makes him feel like a conqueror and that he has a ride-or-die type of woman.

It’s really that simple…the small things make a man feel like a king!

Little do most women know that a small task like pushing the elevator button can be important to a man. We have all been in the elevator when a little boy gets in and wants to push the elevator button and his mom lets him do it. What seems like such a menial thing to a woman can be a task of conquering for a man.

I used to have a girlfriend that battled me on simple issues like where we parked when we went somewhere. No matter where I wanted to park, she’d argue that we should park somewhere else. To her she had just as much right to pick the parking place as I did.

While she was in the right to voice her opinion about the parking decision, battling me over an issue where I needed to feel like a conqueror only served to cause me to try harder to conquer. So we’d argue back and forth and I’d park where I wanted to just to conquer, or I’d reluctantly give
in and flee. For a while I pleaded my case to her and tried to get her to understand that little things were important to me as a man. But she decided that it was more important to her that we were equal in all decisions and in the long run, our relationship was lost in her conquest.

However, my next girlfriend saw that this was important to me, so instead, she placed her concerns on making sure that we were always on time and as long as we were safe, she allowed me to choose the parking without hassle. Again, it may sound like no big deal to a woman, but making that small decision helped me to feel like I had conquered, and in return, I made sure I accommodated her desire to always be on time.

Those little nuances serve to remind a man how valuable a woman is in the moments where he may tire of commitment.

On a larger scale, the thing that most faithful men complain about is that they can’t get sex when they want it in a committed relationship. When a man is single or cheating, he can have sex at random or whenever he wants it. But when he’s in a committed relationship, his sexual fulfillment is based 100 percent on the clock of his woman.

As I said earlier what many women may not see is that for a faithful man, being committed to a relationship gives us a sense of entitlement to sex. If we can’t have it at our leisure, we feel rejected and no conqueror thinks he should ever be rejected. If it persists, we won’t cheat, but it can cause us to pull away from the commitment.

Ladies, I understand that men always want sex and that can be inconvenient for a woman. Some women complain that they love having sex with their man, but they can’t keep up with giving it the way a man needs it—all the time.

When a woman shows frustration, she can cause a man to feel that he isn’t welcome to have what he believes is his. Because he can’t take the cave man approach and drag her into his cave, he may retreat in frustration. This causes a lot of men to pull away over time and want to get out of the commitment where he is faced with such restriction.

Instead of completely turning him away, another approach is for a woman to negotiate without him knowing. Let him know that if he’s willing to wait until the more convenient time, he can have it the way he likes it. This helps him feel like he can have it if he wants, but that she will fulfill his larger desire if he nurtures her needs as well.

As women find themselves at these little crossroads every day in relationships with faithful men, they can keep us engaged in commitment by allowing us the small things that make us feel like conquerors. Remember, just because a guy doesn’t cheat, doesn’t mean he doesn’t still have all the desires of a conquering man.

If you help your man feel like a conqueror, then he’ll be less likely to stray and look for other places or things to conquer. So don’t underestimate the power of the small things. Remember that if it seems small to you, it’s probably big to him.

Death of the Cheating Man: What Every Woman Must Know about Men Who Stray

Death of the Cheating Man: What Every Woman Must Know about Men Who Stray

Maxwell Billieon and Ray J


Celebrity personality and multi-platinum artist Ray J became a household name as his public relationships with a bevy of beautiful Hollywood starlets made pop culture headlines all over the world. His playboy persona spawned the hit television shows, For the Love of Ray J, and the spin-off, Brandy & Ray J—A Family Business, adjoining his string of hit albums Raydiation and All I Feel. Ray J lives in Beverly Hills, California.

Powered by Zergnet

Your Comments

50 Comments so far

  1. Ann says:

    The essence of any relationship is respect, therefore, the choice to ride or die depends on whether the action is discussed beforehand or told to me after-the-fact. In the scenario of choice the man must show respect before-the-fact, no?

  2. Emily says:

    I couldn’t read any more after the 16th time that “ride-or-die” was written.

  3. justin says:

    That’s because you just don’t get it. You sound too rigid. You came here for help with a problem you’re having and you couldn’t even make it to the end because of the word usage. Sounds like your man is lucky to have you… or not. Yikes!

  4. nikki says:

    All i have taken from this article is that men want to be able to choose the parking space.

  5. Liz says:

    If all you “took from the article was…” You’ve completely missed the meat of the subject. The article is basically saying if you want a homogeneous relationship ease up, and give the man a break. It is not necessary to micromanage anyone especially someone you love. If he’s competent enough to choose you as his beauty…Is he not competent enough to choose something as simple as a parking spot? As mothers we choose things for our children. Relax! He’s been raised. He doesn’t need you making decisions fir him. He’s quite capable. And if you can’t figure that out in your own perhaps your girlfriends will help you figure it out when you’re complaining about not understanding WHERE the relationship went left. While women are quite adept at multitasking. This is one area we really need to improve our social skills. Imagine how fast your head would spin had the nerve to tell you where to park? We rag about how men can’t communicate. Is it possible you failed to communicate that you don’t want to walk too far in your heels, or that your feet hurt because you’re breaking in a new pair of heels? Please learn how to compromise, and simply ask him to drop you off at the door. Then show him some respect, and stay close to the door, (inside), so he can find you once he arrives from parking where he’s comfortable. Its a win win…He treats you like a lady, and you treat him like a man.

  6. Jane jean says:

    Mainly it’s about how to manage a childish and selfish boy. Eg. press the button of the elevator my love, gd boy. Choose the parking space my love, well done. Sorry my love i do not want to play with your d**k csq: tamtrum, retreat/sulk, blackmail = Me, Me, Me! Conqueror? Really?

  7. dar says:

    sex in a relationship is not an entitlement its a choice and if he cant respect that he’s got to go. pigs.

  8. filthy frank says:

    All i got from it was “if you want to keep your significant other, just ease up and dont be so controlling in certain situations” but ive heard this from other people as well….i had a gf who argued me down when it came to finding a parking spot….it wasnt necessarily a situation where i wanted to feel like i “conquered” something….because im pretty simple for the most part…..i just wanted to park in the nearest space whether it was far away or close by just to get it over with and move onto something else? I mean because if we parked further away…were probably gonna be walking and doing our usual chit chat on the way to the destination anyway in which we probably wont even realize how far we parked…..but she ALWAYs felt the need to make an argument or a conflict out of it…..alot of factors couldve played a part in this situation….she had ADHD for one…so it couldve been that she would occasionally get impulsive in certain situations as i hear some people with those conditions do. She was also a law student and studying to become a lawyer at the time…and as ive heard these types of people LOVE to argue and debate about the smallest things. She was also young…in her early 20s so maybe it was just immaturity all around….but who knows…

  9. Craig Knapp says:

    If you do not enjoy s3x, STAY OUT OF RELATIONSHIPS AND REMAIN SINGLE!!!!

  10. Factsing says:

    Hi Liz, you make good points. Micromanaging a man is a stress in and of itself too. It’s not something I’d like to waste my energy on and in the end we’re both happy. On the other end my man feels like a king, treats me like a queen and we don’t fight. Win win win.

  11. tybert grant says:

    If you don’t believe in magic, I think you are mistaken. Don’t get me wrong

  12. MaggieAntigo says:

    I think it’s true that men do need to feel (gasp) appreciated and approved of, not just criticized. I had a sharp reminder of that recently with a guy that I was just getting to know, and actually really liked, but who walked the other way after getting too many eyebrows from me about…well, actually not all of it was minutia…but some of it really was. I thought I was just being my true blue self and not hiding my thoughts about everything. But, choosing to hash things out openly and say “listen, I understand you have opinions, and I respect that, but you’ve got to have some tolerance for my idiosyncracies as well” — those are words that most guys (or girls) might not be able to come up with when they feel overly nagged. All they know is that they feel diminished, not appreciated, under the gaze of their companion — and none of us wants to feel that way. So: Make a bigger deal out of the little “good” things, and try to move on quickly from the little “bad” things…including ignoring them completely if it’s not something that you’ll still care about an hour, day, or week from now.

  13. Aly B says:

    This article is so sexist and degrading to women. Make the man feel like a conqueror? What are we in the viking era? No ladies….please don’t listen to this website. How about the men make the women feel appreciated and not sexual objects? Maybe then men wouldn’t worry about women getting frustrated with them.

  14. Kunither Hudson says:

    I does everything a women should do….yet he complains,ungrateful , and very unappreciated …I don’t complain,i cooks, clean, take care of home,helps him with everything in my power….I listen to him when he comes home from work,give him time to himself. I don’t like arguing …yet he think that he can say what ever and I should be OK with it…. Then when I do say anything, it’s a problem he get an attitude …. Also he does not apologize for his wrong doing…

  15. Laura L. Smith says:

    Sounds like the old adage “don’t sweat the small stuff” and take a chill pill. Marriage isn’t a competition–it’s getting along with and having respect for each other. But too many people don’t get it because they got issues they have to heal.

  16. Laura J. says:

    This makes me so thankful that I have a wonderful boyfriend that doesn’t have the mentality of a caveman. Every human being likes to be the one calling the shots sometimes, you have to trade back and forth. She does have just as much right to descide parking as you, if it was that important to her maybe you should let her have that one, and you descide something else. There needs to be sex in a healthy relationship but if either person is’nt in the mood, you just have to wait, and you sure as hell aren’t entitled to a goddamn thing. If you act entitled, you are going to get dumped. Half the time I initiate sex, half the time my boyfriend does, and we’ve both turned each other down and we just had sex later when it was a better time. Sex is about intimacy and trust and love and knowing only your partner can pleasure you this good and vice versa, if either isn’t giving it their all it’s going to feel cheap and unfullfilling. Whoever wrote this has a lot of growing up to do if they can’t feel like a man without ‘conquering’ something every 5 minutes. If I ever thought my boyfriend thought he was conquering me, or getting something over on me, or anything of the kind, he’d be on the curb in a heartbeat, no one likes a manipulator.

  17. KW says:

    Does The Woman Get The “Ride-Or-Die” Man In Return??? Real, Meaningful Relationships Are Built OnA Much More Solid Foundation Then The “King Of The Castle” Approach. I Have Been In A Long Term MarriageThat Is Rock Solid…You Wanna Know WhY…I Treats Him The Same As He Treats Me And We Show Each Other Equal Respect. Real MEN Would Never Want A Cowardly Woman That Bows Down To Him….This Article Is A Disgrace …

  18. Sarah says:

    Goodness. Are you 16? And was that girl “parking spot” girl16 as well? Unfortunately, this article makes you sound like an egotistical child. “entitlement to sex”. you don’t think that is not the smartest thing to say?S For example for a woman to say that a committed relationship means she has access to your money whenever she wishes and for whatever she wishes?

  19. Stiegr says:

    The secret to keeping him committed: date a real man and not a cheater

  20. Perkins Moore says:


  21. Styles Kirkpatrick says:

    I knew this was african american guys when they said it the second time…lol not to focus on any negative its

  22. Styles Kirkpatrick says:

    I agree if you know the guy likes sex prior to the commitment…unless he aged quickly he gonna want it more once you around and committed to each other, it really something to take into account I found out, even though the women does have the choice to give as he has the choice…negotiating without demeaning is the key

  23. Styles Kirkpatrick says:

    the reality is there are certain men who feel this way..I heard them form their own mouth…I wanted to feel I could conquer..I am not saying that I was attracted to this, almost the opposite..I under stood to a level that it might be innate, you know the conquering, just like the bartering innate need for men…but we are thinking creatures so we can negotiate what we need to it is okay

  24. Styles Kirkpatrick says:

    good point….but if any time you feel like a relationship is giving your energy to him…I say walk…we need our energy to thrive…women cant thrive without energy she was created to I say pay attention to how you feel the energy is!

  25. Styles Kirkpatrick says:

    I guess they are saying, as we already knew, any man can have the potential to cheat, however they are saying it is less likely to happen…not saying I agree, just restating what they are saying

  26. XLNTMOMMY says:


  27. susan says:


  28. Stacy says:

    I have a wonderful man who adores me!:)) He does not believe in cheating no matter what his “liabilities” are! We have been through hell and back!! He answer for us is simply this, “I don’t love you for what you can give me, I just love you!”
    Ladies, think twice before you let a man tell you “well I will treat you nice if you just give into my every need and desire!”
    Real people, with real expectations (men and women included) need love. Yes, PERIOD LOVE!! And all it takes is one person to love YOU good days and bad, no sex for a week or sex everyday!!!
    Men: get some morals and realize it’s not all about you!
    Women: get some strength and realize it’s not all about them!!
    Seriously what I read above was pathetic! Woman: if you don’t want to be pathetic and treated as so, leave that man that is cheating because you told him where to park!! HE WILL NEVER BE WORTH WHAT YOU CAN GIVE!! And there will be a man one day that is!!!!

  29. ADO says:


  30. Kim says:

    I let him be the incharge, I learned never to say no to any of his needs. I didn’t question any of his choices. If I ever did I was told I wasn’t on “his team”. If I declined sex I was berated and criticised until I came grovelling to him to give him sex. I live in isolation and humiliation for the best part of 10 years never able to get any of my needs meet. The one day I nearly died in a car accident. As I recovered I realised it was no way to live. I wasn’t able to stop meeting all if his needs but I did start to care for myself more, I became happier, strong, I felt good. And you know what, he cheated on me, a lot. Now here I stand a year later completely batwing myself for ever trying to care for myself, knowing that if I ever try to care for myself he will leave me and take my 3 beautiful children and what makes it worse the Australian leagal system backs him because that car accident, was no accident. It was a suicide attempt, the end result of 10 years of feeling unworthy and unwanted. He has kept all of my diaries, photos, and other proof of my mental illness and this is what he will use against me. The upside is because he get to do and have whatever he want, he is away in his truck for most of the year so I can have my peace and my children when he is away (getting to be the man). Funny isn’t it, that he can leave th kids with me but I can see them if I leave.
    So I when I read your story I can here your views and understand what it is to never be validated but user beware, nothing good will come of giving them everything they want

  31. Katie says:

    Its all about being honest. My man is my best friend and because of that our lives mesh so so well. We know how to compromise with each other with everything. And for that, we respect and love and care for each other so very much. If you don’t understand this article or are one of the women that holds out on their man, you aren’t with your soul mate!

  32. jemtootx says:

    Well, I had a boyfriend. We’ve been together for 2 years. I’m 16. He treats me like a Princess and also, everytime we have our date, he always treat me. I love him so much,and he loves me back. At first, we did was only foreplay. And I agree with that. But lately, we tried sex, but I’m still virgin and it hurts and we don’t continue it. Then, here comes the time I go to their house. And we did our foreplay. Is that ok?

  33. angel says:

    Is it ok to have sex when your stil 16 or 17? Coz you’ve been 2 or 3 years in a rel?

  34. AOB says:

    Angel, Klojala, if you are so young that you feel the need to publically ask for permission to engage in an activity, then the answer is a resounding NO. Not because you are too young, but because you are obviously not expressing your own sexuality, but rather reacting to preesure and expectation to accommodate someone elses. If you were expressing yourown desire for the experience, you wouldn’t feel the need to ask.

  35. jemtootx says:

    I have bf. We’ve been for 2 years. I’m 16. We had our foreplay. Is it ok?

  36. princess says:

    Is it reaally matter to a man when they are so long , like years,for their relationship and they want sex?

  37. phally says:

    very hard to say to the man and hard to trust him
    some time i trying to be very good relationship but i am very shine to him.
    what should i do?

  38. Jen says:

    Jentootx. You’re not an adult & you’re doing adult things which comes with adult consequences. You can get STD’s like herpes & AIDES, both have no cure & with AIDES you will die a horrible, slow, very painful death. You can also get pregnant. Have you even thought about where you’re gonna live if your parents throw you out?? Where are you gonna work to support yourself & your baby?? Do have any idea how much it costs to have a baby?? It’s in the thousands. With all the money your parents have spent on you alone just to keep you alive, they could’ve gone on at least 10 all inclusive cruises to the Caribbean instead of having you. If you’re too young to vote, then you have zero business having sex with anyone. Another thing, as soon as that loser you’re “dating” gets what he wants, he’s gonna use you up for sex, then he’ll dump you for someone else. He treats you like princess for a reason. It’s because he hasn’t had sex with you yet. Once he does, he’s gonna treat you like dog crap on the floor, when he gets sick of using you up for sex. There are so many reasons why you shouldn’t have sex with this guy, so do yourself a favor & dump him immediately. He doesn’t love you because A.) He’s pressuring you to have sex. B.) Boys that age don’t love anyone but themselves (it doesn’t really change all that much as they older) C.) Again, he pressuring you to have sex. Don’t have sex unless you have your own place to live & you have a job you can fully support yourself with.

  39. Shannon says:

    What I’m trying to understand is WHY IS. IT ON THE WOMAN? Why should she have to cow tow? Why can’t it be the man wants more than he’s willing to give? What about him praising her n letting her have her way?

  40. ang says:

    It has 2 do with respect if he dos not want 2 be with the woman he should just tell her not cheat on her &keep hurting her he wouldn’t like it if the woman was doing it to him treat people the way you want to be treatedcause emotional wounds hurt just as much as physical even more and there were way too many diseases out here to be jumping from person to person to person you have to think logical with the head on your shoulders instead of what’s in between your legs

  41. ang says:

    in life you have to give to get it can’t just One way street. in real life even in business you have to give to get you can’t just takebecause does just doesn’t work like that just because you’re a man that you should have everything because men have to give something to and if he’s single by all means they will do u what u want but if your relationship and you’re not happy end It at times I’m sick of the man always respect blaming the responsibility on the woman learn how to be a man and take responsibility for the actions that you do everybody is responsible for their own actions men and women we can’t just blame it on someone else when you mess up in a relationship say you’re sorry and move on or try to reconcile or just stay single until you feel like you’re ready to commit but don’t string someone’s heart and emotions along that’s the worst thing you could do to someone you mess with people’s lives like that

  42. Lisa says:

    Give me a break ! I thought relationships were partner ships? If he can’t respect you for who you are and what you do for him dump him ! And far as being a conquer gimme a break ! We live in the year 2014 not the 1900″s ! Women need respect period. So do men but both party’s have to earn it and relationships cannot be all about one party.

  43. RA says:

    What utter rubbish!!

    Ladies, do not listen to the advice of someone with such a sexist, ignorant, selfish, childish and moronic view of women.

    And gentlemen, if you think this is how to keep a woman, you’re sorely mistaken.

    Just too ridiculous to even comment further.

    Ray J, you are an idiot.

  44. jeremy says:

    I think this article could have delved into sex a little more. Because sex for women is different than it is for men. Women need a physical connection men need a sexual connection. Our bodies are designed with a sexual drive. Women’s bodies are designed for an emotional connection. And you have to put on your big girl panties and understand that. Men are f****** pigs for wanting sex. It’s how we’re built and it’s how we make the connection with you. And if you can’t or won’t understand that you’ll never get guys or you’ll just make them f****** miserable. And miserable guys are not too exciting. you might as well just get a cat.

  45. Jess says:

    This is extremely sexist and immature. If my boyfriend acted like this I would leave him in a heartbeat. But he respects me and we each make decisions in the relationship. “conqueror??? Are you kidding me? What exactly are you conquering? That parking space? Your girlfriend? Either way it’s stupid! A guys got some self esteem problems if he constantly needs to feel strong and masculine.

  46. Paul says:

    Many of us men can be very Committed to just one woman and be very happy too.

  47. Matt says:

    what people seem to be missing here is that a man has needs too that a woman won’t possibly understand, just like there are needs that women have that men can’t understand. Men and women are different at a fundamental level. This article isn’t saying do anything except understand where a man is coming from. Treat your man how you want to but an empathetic person would come from perspective of understanding. Basically if your man leaves you and you disagree with this article, then only you have yourself to blame. Why should a man stay in a situation where he’s not happy?

  48. Natty says:

    I agree with most of this. I love making my man feel like a conquerer. I let him lead in most things. Sometimes he purposely asks me to lead coz he’s feeling tired or what not. T he few irritating things he does are nothing compared to the focus he has on our relationship and providing for us. So I have voiced my irritation but made it clear that it won’t turn into nagging, he usually responds well because he doesn’t have pressure from me. That way he knows when something is really important than it will be expressed clearly and directly. The only thing I have an issue with is the sex thing, perhaps we are the exception rather than the rule, but I want sex a lot more than him and I am always up for it. We don’t have kids just yet so maybe that will change things, but my libido is pretty high, his isnt. That causes different issues to the ones you have mentioned. I do try to let.him take the lead on it, but maybe he does like knowing that he can ‘take it’ any time he needs. Even if he doesn’t. This has caused him to question his manhood a few times because he’s supposed to be Randy all the time right? So I do my best to make him feel manly because it could be a hang out that causes a wound.

  49. Gaby says:

    I’m a married woman who’s been in a relationship for 20 years and just got married this year. He’s my lover, my best friend, my confidant, my everything! I get it! Just find ways to make your man feel like a man. Woman now a days are all about equality and forget that we each have a place and want to feel like a woman or a man. Don’t get me wrong I’m no push over and would not stay in a disrespectful, dishonest, abusive or unsatisfying relationship but I know my place. This is why woman who want to act like men, like my friend, who has not been able to keep a man, not ever engaged nor married is still single at 40 yrs old. So for you woman that can’t hold on to a man learn to soften up and enjoy being a woman!

Share your view

Post a comment


© 2014 Simon & Schuster Inc., a CBS Company. All rights reserved.