You shouldn’t be tolerating in-between behavior. It’s totally okay to have a bro you like to hook up with when you’re bored and no one else is around—that’s what we call a backburner bro—as long as both you and he have a mutual understanding of what your relationship is and definitely isn’t. But it’s not okay to lie to yourself and say you’re completely fine being just friends with benefits when you actually want more. Own your feelings. It’s lame and pathetic to lie to all your friends and yourself. Once you recognize that you’ve emotionally masturbated this guy into someone whom he will never be and that he is simply not that into you, you only have one option: Cut the cord.
Say no when he suggests canceling your dinner date to watch a movie. Turn off the Taylor Swift and ignore his Snapchats and Instagram likes. Ignore his eleven p.m. texts suggesting that you “should chill this weekend” that never prompt any follow-up plan-making texts. Remind yourself every time you get a seemingly random check-in that you deserve to be someone’s priority, and this bro obviously has not made you his.
This guy can tell you a hundred times over that you are witty, gorgeous, smart, kind, sexy, fun, and every other adjective for amazing, but you have to believe it and accept it yourself. If you truly believe you have these qualities, you won’t fall victim to guys who use their words instead of actions to convey their feelings. Talk is literally the cheapest thing you can do. It costs no money and requires no effort. Words are bullshit. If you really want to see if a guy is into you, look at his actions. You want to be with someone who takes your life into consideration, who plans dates ahead of time, who goes out of his way to be present in your life. If they don’t demonstrate that they think they are lucky to be with you, you will never be treated the way you deserve to be.
You need to acknowledge all the moving pieces in this puzzle of your pseudo relationship with him and learn from it for future relationships. Figure out what it is about this guy that makes him a bad match for you and the reasons behind why you’re attracted to guys like him in the first place. Next time you’ll be smarter about the guys you let yourself have feelings for. If you do it right, these realizations and growth will be big stepping-stones in your life, and you will use your experience with him in so many more ways than you can even imagine right now.
Finally, delete his fucking texts, e-mails, and notes. Believe us, the word “‘sup ” doesn’t magically change into “I’ve loved you all along” after the fifth read. Don’t tell all your friends that you’re done with him. They don’t give a shit. Just be done with him. Be confident, brave, and independent. Don’t look back, Betch, you’re on to better things.