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Update Your Resume for 2019 Like the Boss You Are

Figuring out what to edit, cut, and reveal on your resume can be tough. That sheet of paper is ultimately the deciding factor for whether or not an employer is interested in you. The Betches, authors of WHEN’S HAPPY HOUR?, are here to help with their advice on how to update your resume like the boss you are. 

Your ridiculous email address:

Your middle school email may have been the envy of every basic bitch around, but ReesesPeanutButterLover89@yahoo.com is not going to make an employer take you seriously. Make your email your full name @gmail.com so the person reading your resume doesn’t have to wonder if you’re using dial-up AOL from your parents’ basement. Hotmail is death.

Your entire street address:

No one is sending you fucking letters. Shorten it by only including the city and state to make room for more important info, like your fake proficiency in Spanish.

Spelling and grammar mistakes:

Nothing makes you look like you don’t give a shit more than a spelling or grammar error in your resume. Proofread. Seriously, proofread. We can’t tell you how many times we’ve rejected candidates right off the bat for using the wrong form of to. It’s that easy to eliminate a candidate, and how better to reduce the pool of annoying interviews we’ll potentially have to conduct than to immediately cut the people who didn’t even take the time

Check their grammar:

This isn’t a take-home essay for some bullshit elective you’re taking. This is your career. Don’t be lazy. Send it to your mom to proofread if you need to. She’ll be incentivized to help because checking your resume means she’s one step closer to not paying for all your shit anymore. Plus, she knows that stuff, because public school was way stricter back in the day.

Your babysitting job from high school:

If you’re applying for a job as a paralegal in 2018, no one is going to care that you babysat for the Goldbergs from 2007 to 2010, no matter how amazing you were at Connect Four. Get rid of all irrelevant work experience that doesn’t directly contribute to showing an employer that you have skills in the job you’re actually applying for. Unless the person you’re interviewing with happened to go to the same summer camp as you, he or she is not going to think it’s relevant that you were an uncertified lifeguard at Camp Lakota for two years. (But if you google the interviewer and see Camp Lakota in their Facebook interests, make that shit size-14 font.

Find more advice on how to advance your career in WHEN’S HAPPY HOUR? by the Betches!

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For more on Tips on Life & Love: From “Do What You Love” to “Love What You Do”

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Excerpted from When’s Happy Hour? by The BetchesCopyright © 2018 by author. Used by permission of the publisher. All rights reserved.

Photo by Anete Lusina on Unsplash.

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