Today I was at Walmart doing my weekly Friday shopping, when the cashier said to me, “I see you in here all the time, your kids are always dressed cute, behaving, and you just seem to have it all together.” At the time, I just thanked her and giggled because that’s far from the truth, but as I drove home, there was more I wanted her to know about me.
I want her to know I battle a personality disorder every day with anxiety and depression mixed, and I’m a two-time suicide attempt survivor.
I want her to know that I can’t always get myself up off the couch to feed them anything more than frozen pizza and cereal.
I want her to know that my son is late for school three out of four days because I regularly forget what day and time it is, despite the toddler-size calendar in my kitchen.
I want her to know I have those “I’m losing my sh*t” moments when I have to lock myself in the bathroom and cry.
I want her to know I wasn’t always the most active mom because I used to work eighty hours a week and go to school full-time, and Jayce spent many days and nights with his grandparents.
I want her to know that I hadn’t washed my hair in three days, and my kids hadn’t had a bath in two.
I want her to know that I was trying to hurry out of there because I had forgotten the diaper bag at home and Brenton was hungry.
I want her to know that once we got to the parking lot, the “well-behaved” child decided to stand up in the cart, and I wasn’t paying attention and barely caught him as he almost hit the concrete.
But most importantly, I want her to know I don’t have it together and may never have it all together. I don’t know a mother out there who has it all together, but everything we do is done with love for our children, and that right there makes you the perfect mom, and, in our children’s eyes, we most definitely have it all together.
From one exhausted mom to another, you’re doing great, have that meltdown, let your kids eat the crap out of that cereal, and take care of yourself always.
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