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How Not To Hate Your Child’s Birthday

How not to hate your child's birthday by avoiding March conception and December babies by Scary Mommy author Jill SmoklerBy Jill Smokler
Author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy

My middle child is the only one of my three who was actually planned. The others were, as I will tell them one day, the best surprises of my life! But, surprises nonetheless.

Being the surprises that they were, my husband and I never gave a single thought to timing or spacing; it simply wasn’t on our radar. Had we, however, we certainly wouldn’t have any of our children during the month of March. It was a move that only an irresponsible and unseasoned parent could make. Why, you ask? Do the math. March conception equals December baby and December babies just plain suck.

I’m sorry if you are a December baby, it’s nothing personal, but you suck. And you know it. You have my deepest sympathies.

Sure, parents may try to make the day special and not do the whole combined gift thing, but it’s pretty inevitable. There are only so many new toys a kid can handle and it’s just too much to give an abundance of presents a few days or weeks apart. Plus, it’s so freaking expensive–who can afford all that crap? Kids end up spoiled enough with the holidays alone-adding a birthday to the mix is just too much. As much as we try and make the day as exciting as it would be in May, it just ends up part of the holiday season blur.

And it’s not only the parents of the child–it’s other people as well. It sucks to have to schlep children in the freezing cold to birthday parties. Everyone is snotty and exhausted and too burnt-out to feel much like celebrating. There are no decent options for party locations since it’s too cold to be outside and the mere thought of having a dozen kids rolling around on plastic blow up toys is hardly appealing. And the December germs? Ugh. You may as well roll your child around a dozen dirty tissues.

See? December babies suck.

So, this month, let’s remember this fact and save future generations years of grief. From now on, I shall be instituting a National Abstinence Month for the month of March and I invite every future mother to join me. It’s best for our children, and isn’t that what parenting is all about?

Jill Smokler blogs about motherhood; the good, the bad, and the scary at You can follow her on Twitter as @ScaryMommy or join her on Facebook.


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