Every relationship has it’s struggles and hardships. It’s inevitable that you’re going to get into an argument with your significant other at some point in your relationship. Tony A. Gaskins, author of MAKE IT WORK, shares his insight into the ultimate question of “Should you break-up?”.
We spend too much time focusing on the wrong things, and that’s what costs us our relationships. In order to have a long, healthy relationship, you must choose your battles wisely. Evaluate why you like to focus on insignificant issues. Is it for control? Is it for attention? Is it a habit you picked up in your last relationship? Is it what you saw your parents do? Is it behavior you picked up from your friend’s relationship? Evaluate your pettiness, and keep it in check. I have seen many people lose a relationship because the arguments drained their partner so much that it had to end. You may be wired for drama, but others may prefer to save the drama for the movies. Drama and pettiness are not cute, and they hurt your relationship in the long run.
If it’s not worth breaking up over, it’s not worth arguing over. Focus on what matters, and ignore what does not. Use your energy to better your relationship instead of tearing it down. Don’t push away a good person because you want to nitpick over little things that serve no purpose in the big picture. Don’t waste your time or the time of your spouse. There are many major issues that will arise, and you will appreciate having reserved your energy for issues that really matter. A relationship is a marathon, not a sprint. If it was a sprint, you could afford spending the energy to argue about every little thing, but you have a long journey ahead of you, so use your energy wisely.
This may take some relearning. It’s perfectly fine to change your ways and become a better person. Just because you’re accustomed to toxic relationships that dwell in the shallow end, it doesn’t mean you have to stay there. Look at those relationships and the outcome of them. Pay attention to what happens to people who are stuck in relationships built on weak foundations. Good people who love themselves will not tolerate a messy situation for long. You will lose the one you love if you don’t focus your energy in the right areas. Some things to focus on are healthy communication, loving affection, quality time, and kind words. Don’t major in minor things.
Here are some things to think about:
- Have you ever ended a relationship over something very petty?
- Do you regret having let a relationship go?
- Have you ever had to take a break in a relationship because a small issue became a big issue?
- Have you identified your deal breakers?
- Have you ever been with someone who had unfair deal breakers?
- Know what’s important and what isn’t.
- Have a clear understanding of what your spouse’s deal breakers are.
- Trust your intuition.
- Don’t focus on the petty.
- A deal breaker can be forgiven but not taken for granted.
Want to know more secrets about how to succeed in finding and keeping love? Check out MAKE IT WORK by Tony Gaskins Jr.!
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Excerpted from Make It Work by Tony Gaskins Jr. Copyright © 2019 by the author. Used by permission of the publisher. All rights reserved.