Sooner or later, everyone goes searching for true love. Looking for true love, it should be noted, is different from looking for untrue love. Untrue love–the kind found in pop songs, romance novels, soap operas, and US Weekly–is actually fairly easy to locate. You can usually rustle some up for a night, a month, or even a couple of years just by downloading an app onto your phone or hitting your local wine bar while having a good hair day.
The problem is, untrue love doesn’t last. Which doesn’t mean it’s fake, exactly—it’s more like the counterfeit designer handbag that looks just like the real thing—until the gold wears off of the logo and the handles break when you try to carry a real-life amount of stuff in there.
True love, by definition, only grows deeper, richer, and more beautiful with each passing year. It’s authentic. It expands endlessly–there’s always room for the real you, and if you need to stuff, say, the kitchen sink in it, there’s room for that, too. Sounds great, right?
Right! So now what? Well, because this is a somewhat punk-rock guide to How To Find True Love–not to mention short: There are only two things you have to do. Yes, only two.
1. Go inside, accept everything.
All great love stories begin inside your own heart. First, you have to believe you are worthy of love. This is easier said than done. The love you accept into your life is always a reflection of your deepest beliefs about yourself. If you haven’t yet found the true kind, chances are something is blocking you–usually a belief that you’re missing something, or flawed somehow. So once you go inside, your job is to accept everything you find there. Yes, everything. (This is key.)
If you can’t “own” your flaws, your dark side, your weaknesses, your fears, your mistakes, and your hidden crannies, you haven’t yet developed the ability to be true. To yourself, or anyone else. But as you choose to accept what you find within–instead of judging, fighting, denying, or resisting it–a remarkable shift happens. You experience this sense of belonging in the world, of being at one with yourself and everyone else. In other words, you experience LOVE.
2. Give it away.
Which brings us to our last step: giving it away. As you develop your practice of loving you will naturally to start to produce more love than you can possibly contain and it will inevitably start spilling over to other people. Think of it like having an endless radiant beam of light emanating from your whole beingness that you are going to shine into the world. Once you really get rolling with love, you will–to the best of your ability–shine this light on every person you meet and in every situation you encounter. Not just on the cute and/or nice people, but also on your husband’s ex-wife, the most annoying person at work, and people in traffic. You are going to shine this light so hard and so steadily, that soon you will begin to experience the big truth about love: It’s a limitless resource you can never run out of. The more you give away, the more you keep.
Now I know what you’re saying: Where’s the person? Isn’t true love a person? Someone to have and to hold and all that? Well, not exactly. Finding true love is bigger than a person. It’s a paradigm shift: instead of looking outside for love that will fill you on the inside, you are now looking inside for love you can bring to the world. You’ll realize you’re already a person rich with love, whether you’re in a partnership or not. And when you know that, you’re like a beacon–a perfect match—for another person who also knows that: your true lover.