No one WANTS for the thought of “He’s just not that into me” to cross their mind” when they’re dating. However, it happens. Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, authors of HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, share some reminders to repeat to yourself when you’re out there dating and trying to find “The one”.
#1. If the men are asking you out, if the men have to get your attention, then you, in fact, are the one in control.
#2. I know it’s an infuriating concept—that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It’s insulting. It’s frustrating. It’s unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he’s just not that into you.
#3. I hate to tell you, but that whole “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it.
#4. If we want you, we will find you. If you don’t think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.
#5. People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love. Big movies are made about it, and every relationship you admire bursts with a greatness that you hope for in your own life. And the more you value yourself, the more chance you’ll have of getting it.
#6. Move on, sister! Cut your losses and don’t waste your time. Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory?
#7. If a dude isn’t calling you when he says he will, or making sure you know that he’s dating you, then you already have your answer. Stop making excuses for him; his actions are screaming the truth: He’s just not that into you.
#8. Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted. And when you do move on and find your right person, believe me, you’re not going to wish you had gotten to spend more time with Stinky the Time-Waster or Freddy Can’t-Remember-to-Call.
#9. If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes. The only thing in your control is how long you allow these gentlemen to take up space in your life. In case you’re not sure, it should be about ten minutes from when they first display their completely unacceptable behavior (or lizardlike tail). Ten minutes still gives you time to put on all your clothes and make sure you have deleted your number from his cell phone.
#10. Now, there’s a million things you can do after a breakup; what you do during that time— yoga, affirmation tapes, murder—is your business. But basically you’re going to have to feel the pain, you’re going to have to go through it, and then you’re going to have to get over it. All we can try to do in this book is help you do it differently in the future. The first thing we’re going to recommend is setting some standards.
For more relationship tips, pick up a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt!
For more dating tips…
Still having trouble getting through to your partner? You may also enjoy: 7 Rules for Communication in Your Relationship
Excerpted from HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU by Greg Behrendt. Copyright © 2005 by the author. Used by permission of the publisher. All rights reserved.
Photo by Clem Onejeghuo on Unsplash.