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Do You Have More Than One Soulmate?

YoungCoupleinLove_400Searching for a life partner is very similar to conducting a job search–there are probably many men who would make good husbands, just as there is more than one right job or employer. From Marry by Choice, Not by Chance.

When marveling at the unexpected pairing of certain couples, or the likelihood of an unmarried person eventually finding a spouse, my mother used to say, “Every pot has a cover.” In fact, most pots have more than one cover. It’s important to remember this plurality. If you believe that there is only one true love of your life, the pressure on you to find this one and only person will be overwhelming and that can seriously derail your life plan for happiness. Planning for your personal success is very similar to planning for your professional success: you establish some basic criteria—core competencies, common goals, acceptable geography—and then you hope for the best and prepare to course-correct if necessary. When you are conducting a job search, many companies and positions could probably be very satisfying choices for you. Don’t think that there is only one right job or right employer. Pick a good company, distinguish yourself by your conscientious work, pay attention to the functions performed by others around you, and keep an eye on emerging opportunities within and outside of your workplace.

When searching for a life partner, if you start with a pool of candidates who share your record of achievement, your core values, and your background, there are probably many men who could be very good husband choices. Women who don’t understand that there is more than one good choice to make often waste a lifetime waiting for the one and only Mr. Right and wind up alone. There were probably many men whom these women passed over for reasons of indecision, or fear of making the wrong decision, or the belief that someone better is out there. There may not be, and women simply can’t wait too long to marry if they want to bear their own children in a traditional marriage. Look for the best man who shares your core values, and trust that if he believes what you believe, together you’ll find your personal path to happiness. Start looking early and keep present in your thoughts the realities of your fertility limitations. Sometimes it isn’t practical to hold out for each nuance you ever hoped for in a man. Does he really have to be taller than you? Is it imperative that he likes foreign films and French food? Probably not. Be realistic in your expectations and demands. By holding out for everything, you may end up with nothing.


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