Dr. Phil McGraw debunks popular myths about happy couples so they don’t chip away at your perfectly good relationship. From his bestselling book Love Smart: Find the One You Want — Fix the One You Got
You believe these myths, and when your relationship doesn’t measure up, you’re convinced something’s wrong.
Myth: Happy couples can see things through each other’s eyes.
Reality: You can’t possibly see things the same way as your mate, because you’re just not the same people. You’re different genetically, physically and psychologically and you’ve had different experiences in the world. You’re a woman and he’s a man, and you’re not wired the same
Myth: Happy couples always have lots of romance.
Reality: Most people confuse that giddy, dizzy feeling you have early on in your relationship with romance. Nope. That’s called “infatuation” and it will pass. Romantic love is emotionally driven. It’s novelty, excitement, and newness, but it doesn’t sustain a relationship.
Myth: Happy couples can resolve all their disagreements.
Reality: There are some basic issues that you will always disagree about. You each have your opinions on these things that won’t change. Just agree to disagree.
Myth: Happy couples need to have common interests.
Reality: It’s a bonus if you do, but there’s nothing wrong with your relationship if you don’t do the same activities. If you and your partner are forcing yourself to engage in common activities but the results are stress, tension, and conflict, don’t do it!
Myth: Happy couples don’t fight.
Reality: Conflict is a fact of life in most relationships, and arguing — as long as it’s not destructive and doesn’t turn into character assassination — isn’t a negative thing. Arguing can actually help the relationship by releasing tension and instilling the sense of peace and trust that comes from knowing that you can express feelings without being abandoned or humiliated. Plus, there’s the make-up sex…
Myth: Happy couples vent all their feelings to each other.
Reality: Getting things off your chest might feel good, but when you blurt something out in the heat of the moment, you risk damaging your relationship permanently. Many relationships are destroyed when one partner can’t forgive something that was said during uncensored venting. Think before you say something you might regret.
Myth: Being a happy couple has nothing to do with sex.
Reality: A good sexual relationship can make you feel closer, more relaxed, more accepted, and more involved with your partner. Keep sex on your list of priorities.
Myth: Happy couples are always in sync sexually.
Reality: Except maybe in the beginning when you can’t keep your hands off each other, it’s totally normal for you to be in the mood at different times.
Myth: Happy couples know the right and wrong way to make their relationships great.
Reality: There’s no cookie-cutter way to be in a relationship, and no handbook on the proper way to love each other, fight, relate to each other, or do anything else that has to do with being in a relationship. What’s important is that your ways work for the two of you.
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