Do you have a not-until-the-fifth-date rule? Here’s why you probably shouldn’t assign an arbitrary timetable to something so personal. From It’s Hard to Fight Naked by comedian author Niecy Nash.
1. Does having sex go against what I believe? There is such a chasm between sex and religion, and if you have strong beliefs, sex before marriage can leave you with a hearty helping of guilt. While some “church girls” convince themselves that God looks the other way when they’re in love, if you decide to go outside the will of your beliefs, you need to be okay with that choice instead of trying to justify it. If you can’t, stay in your lane and do what you know is right for you. A suitable man who respects how important this is to you will present himself in time.
2. Are you doing this for you or him? The moment you feel yourself justifying having sex when it’s not something you’re ready to do, you’re in the wrong place. And if it’s just because you’ve never done it before or it’s been too long since you’ve gotten some—girl, they make toys for that.
3. Are you having sex with him because you’re worried someone else will? When you are dealing with someone who isn’t willing to give you what you want (monogamy), the scales are already tipped—and not in your favor. Why would you give him something that he wants—for free—in the hopes that he’ll change his mind?
4. Is it just about getting your back broke in bed?
Sometimes fair exchange is no robbery, and if it’s sex for the sake of sex that you’re both looking for—one and done and without cuddling afterward—carry on, I say! Just be sure that’s all you want. Sex has to be entered into with careful, honest consideration of how you’re going to feel afterward.