Parenting, Parenting Tips

Saturday Night’s All Right for Dining (Solo)

4 Comments 22 March 2012

Scary Mommy blogger and author Jill Smokler shares the pleasures of dining alone on a Saturday nightBy Jill Smokler
Author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy

Have you ever wondered how to tell if an unknown woman is a mother or not? Well, there is one sure-fire way to tell the mothers of the world from non-mothers of the word and it doesn’t even involve checking their stomachs for stretch marks. Walk into a restaurant, alone, on a Saturday evening. Go to the hostess stand and ask for a table. When prompted for the number in your party simply respond, “One.”

Watch for the hostess’ reaction. You will know in an instant if she is or is not a mother herself.

The non-mother will look at you with pity in her eyes. She will wonder if you’ve recently split with your husband or have been fired from a job. Did your mother die? Your best friend get diagnosed with cancer? What has a grown woman done to be eating alone on a Saturday night? Poor, poor you.

She will make small talk as she escorts you to a discreet location in the back, by the restrooms. She’ll ask the waitress to be extra nice to you. You deserve it, after all. You’re dining all alone on a Saturday night.

But, if the hostess is herself a mother, your request will be met with pure envy. A meal with no children’s menus, no bickering and no meltdowns over the wrong mac and cheese. A meal of peace and quiet and good food and a drink. Alone. A meal with someone else doing the cooking and serving and cleaning. It’s almost too good to be true.

Is it your birthday? Your anniversary? Did you just get a new job? Sign a book deal? Cure cancer? What has a grown woman done to be eating alone on a Saturday night? She’ll ask the waitress to be extra nice to you. You must deserve it, after all.

You’re dining all alone on a Saturday night.

Jill Smokler blogs about motherhood; the good, the bad, and the scary at scarymommy.com. You can follow her on Twitter as @ScaryMommy or join her on Facebook.

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4 Comments so far

  1. I adore eating alone! The slow peasecful pace of selecting the wine, choosing an appetizer which does not have to be shared, selecting something delectable to eat and not having to cut up anyone else’s food before I cut up my own!

    Eating alone as a woman is a wonderful thing!

  2. RachRiot says:

    Ah yes.. eating hot food, with wine, at a restaurant with a table cloth, in peace. Looking down at an actual menu instead of up at a board. Or a drive-thru…I vaguely remember this concept. fml

  3. Kristin says:

    I used to fear eating alone, but now after having a baby it is not so bad. It reminds me of a line in the move A Christmas Story: “My mother had not had not had a hot meal FOR HERSELF in fifteen years…”

  4. kojala says:

    We’re glad everyone enjoys a nice solo meal now and again! It truly is a thing of peace. Thanks for reading!


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