The Best Way to Handle Mixed Signals from a Guy

Jessica Massa graduated magna cum laude from Harvard with a degree in psychology. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Elle, Variety, CNN.com, The Times of London, and Glamour.com, among others. She lives in Brooklyn.

FlirtingGaggle_400Don’t try to read his mind or let contradicting messages drive you nuts. From The Gaggle: How to Find Love in a Post-Dating World.

When a guy is sending you mixed signals, it’s all too easy to get caught up in the drama and confusion of the situation. But remember: you always have a choice to stay sane. One hundred percent of the time! Throughout every single interaction. You can freak out about the ambiguity and stress yourself out by performing the mental gymnastics of “Does he like me? Why can’t I tell?” Or you can recognize the mixed signals and relax, shrug your shoulders, adopt a bemused smile, and think with a chuckle and a good-natured roll of your eyes, “Well, this should be interesting!”

No guy, no matter how confusing his actions may be, can drive you crazy if you’re not willing to be driven crazy. And on the flip side, any guy can drive you crazy, maybe without even meaning to, if you’re determined to find drama in every Facebook status update…or if you’re set on convincing yourself that he’s just not that into you.

The Gaggle

The Gaggle

by Jessica Massa

  • Get The Gaggle
  • Get The Gaggle
  • Get The Gaggle
  • Get The Gaggle
  • Get The Gaggle

Next time you’re tempted to overanalyze your Prospect You’re Not Sure Is a Prospect, remember that choice—and choose serenity. Choose to relax, and then alleviate any unnecessary pressure that you may be tempted to put on the situation.

If your connection is real, then you should trust that it will manifest itself in an organic way at the right time. Don’t get stuck on the details of how he should be acting or what he should have said, if he really liked you.

Real-life example: are you upset that he didn’t text you personally to invite you to his birthday party, but just sent you the Facebook invitation like everyone else? Well, who cares! A guy’s initial intentions matter much less than what actually happens in the moment. Just pick an outfit that makes you feel confident, show up to that birthday party, commit to being your best self, spend some time with him, and let your connection do its thing.

If your relationship takes a step forward that night, then no one will remember how the invitation scenario went. Allow your connection to flourish, and the mixed signals will be nothing but a humorous footnote in your epic love story—because it’s your connection, raw and real, that’s going to propel you to the next stage of that tale.

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