Dating Advice, Relationships

Shake off the Guilt: 5 Great Reasons to Date a Married Man

13 Comments 07 July 2011

MarriedMan_Ring_400Ladies, if you’re on the singles scene long enough, you’ll undoubtedly attract the attention of a married man or two. You’ll know him from the nice suit (that his wife bought him for Christmas), the tan lines from the wedding ring that now resides in his breast pocket, and the sob story about the overbearing, under-caring burden he voluntarily shackled himself to umpteen years ago.

And oh, how caring he is—the most understanding man and the best listener you’ve ever met. He sends you flowers, calls to check in with you throughout the day, just because. He places you on a pedestal so high you can touch cloud nine. He satisfies your needs—at least one or two of them—until he’s forced to leave skid marks in your doorway to get home to “them.”

In his eyes, you’re perfect. Not quite perfect enough to immediately leave his wife and sweep you off the market so no other can have you, but perfect enough to be his mistress for like ever—or until his wife figures out he’s cheating—whichever comes first. Of course this isn’t an issue because you didn’t want a monogamous, committed relationship with a man who puts you first anyway.

Apart from the whole marriage thing, your relationship with Mr. Right Now is progressing swimmingly in your little adulterous Camelot until you’re overwhelmed by the unexpected presence of three guests: guilt, shame, and humiliation. I’m here to tell you to ignore those feelings and the impulse to call him and tell him it’s over. Frankly, your conscience is as stupid as your heart and knows not the sacrifice it’s asking you to make. To ease your angst, here are five great reasons to continue your affair:

1. You have low self esteem… and you’d like to keep it that way. Let’s face it, nothing says “I hate me” more than to willingly accept the second-class stepchild status you’ll be relegated to for the entirety of your relationship with this man.

2. Sharing is a good thing. After all, you don’t deserve a loving man of your own. Better to enjoy the short end of the stick than have no stick at all, even if it means destroying a family a tiny little bit. At least you don’t have to do laundry and cook–well, not in the kitchen anyway.

3. You’re no “ho”—hos do it for free. You’re so right. There’s another term for women who do it for pay. Hey, he’s wining and dining you, buying clothes and jewelry, paying a bill or two (maybe even the mortgage). Way to blow the kids’ college fund. It’s all good though because fair exchange is no robbery. Just be thankful you can’t put a price tag on character. That would really suck.

4. He’s going to leave… someday. OK, maybe not on his own. Perhaps he’ll leave after his wife after she finds out about your affair and throws his crap out onto the front lawn, you know, kind of like quitting your job after you got fired. Then you’ll have a real prize on your hands. A man who spent months, perhaps years, deceiving the women he loved. Now you have the honor of slipping right into her shoes. Yay for you! And his ex-wife, well, she knows exactly what you’re getting so keep an eye out for the thank you note.

5. You just want sex and don’t want or need a commitment. Hmph. Too bad his wife did. Still, it’s great that you found someone who gives you exactly what you want. Thank goodness you’ll never need more.

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K. L. Brady


    K.L. Brady is a D.C. native and an alumnus of the University of the District of Columbia and University of Maryland where she earned a B.A. in economics and then her M.B.A., respectively. She works as an analyst for a major government contracting firm.

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    • jogos online

      I am very happy come here!
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    • Angela

      U guys are disgusting, God will surely punish anyone who breaks someone else’s marriage. Stop deceiving the public.

    • Rachel

      Angela dear, do you not see the satire here? I found this article quite funny actually. By no means is it really condoning extra-marital affairs. If anything, it is making fun of them. There are some women who do these things and are content with that. Some women, not most. To the rest of us, the subject is one that I believe we will not likely explore. Although, perhaps it is such insecurities that lead to being in situations like this in the first place. Something to think about for sure…
      Thanks for posting, you guys show great variety!

    • kojala

      Angela, this article is meant as a satire and is not deceptive in the least. If you read it again you’ll see the author is clearly highlighting the negative consequences of such behavior.

    • Winter

      Excellent post!

    • K.L. Brady

      Thank you Rachel and Kojala. You’re right. This is no way meant to condone or glorify women who engage in extramarital relationships. It’s meant to do quite the opposite as a matter of fact. I’ve had women involved in such relationships contact me and tell me that I made them think twice. Sometimes you can’t point the finger. Sometimes a message like this one is better delivered wrapped in humor. So, if that’s what comes if this, I feel grateful to have written it. :)

    • kojala

      Thanks for sharing your expert insight and great voice! Keep writing!

    • Rita

      am in to this.

    • Lulu

      To the author ,
      Are you married ?
      And there’s no hard and fast rules to life, some marriages might be unhealthy , and cheating could be bilateral, remember stepmom the movie.

    • Belke

      All of these comments seem to be spoken by women who have been cheated on. Here’s a hint ladies… If you treat your man right then 99% of the time he won’t be screwing around behind your back. As for the other 1% these are men that were cheating on you before the two of you got married you only food yourself into thinking that a leopard would change his spots.

      Grow up and grow a pair ladies. If you make him feel wanted then there is no way another woman will ever be able to take his attention from you. The Mistress didn’t ruin your marriage…You did that all on your own.

    • Ashley Madison

      Your posts should concentrate on helping people see through the rough patch -you obviously have no idea of what it means to be in love with someone you cant have – focus on trying to stay happy – instead of slamming women who are being the comfort for men – and in most cases fixing things – get educated – thanks

    • Deepho Hlalele

      I dated a married man 3 years of my life, I loved him dearly and promised to leave his wife for me, “dear was I dreaming”. they have been separated for 4 years now and leave separately but not divorced. I honestly believed he would get a divorce because we really loved each other or I thought. eventually the third year in our relationship I was enough with the lies and then I kicked him out, he tried to convince me to take him back but I told him I will only take him back with divorce papers in his hands, and I really though this would make him get a divorce, but he didn’t instead he got another girlfriend and moved in with her, this broke my heard and I cried day and night over this, blaming myself for kicking him out. eventually I got over him and realized how stupid I was and how lucky I am to be with an unmarried man now. I don’t see him and his wife fixing things but him getting a divorce also wont happen. dating a married man only devalues you and make you look cheap than you are….

    • Lisa T

      I think blogs like these are so stupid. Folks glorify wives but most times wives KNOW their husband is cheating. They sense it. And they turn their heads. Why does the wife not have low-self esteem for staying with a cheating azz man? Because she believes in her marriage and her vows she took before God? Please. What good is it if the husband doesn’t. Dumb. Newsflash: ALL MARRIED men are “paying” for nani in some way. Please do not be fooled bc you are a wife. When you get mad at him and withhold the nani and he goes into over drive cleaning up and buying those raggedy azz flowers from the grocery store? TRUST honey….he “bought” your nani tonight with that. You actually cost less than the mistress. He gave her Louis Vuitton. Bottom line? None of this mess matters. Folks cheat bc they want to. Their marriage could be great or it could be jacked up. Doesn’t matter. But please don’t glorify wife status like it’s better than the mistress. At best? Yall both getting d*ck and lies. Yall are teammates. High five each other.

      Oh. I’m married. Been married for 9 years. I just don’t subscribe to the BS like most women.


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