Ladies, if you’re on the singles scene long enough, you’ll undoubtedly attract the attention of a married man or two. You’ll know him from the nice suit (that his wife bought him for Christmas), the tan lines from the wedding ring that now resides in his breast pocket, and the sob story about the overbearing, under-caring burden he voluntarily shackled himself to umpteen years ago.
And oh, how caring he is—the most understanding man and the best listener you’ve ever met. He sends you flowers, calls to check in with you throughout the day, just because. He places you on a pedestal so high you can touch cloud nine. He satisfies your needs—at least one or two of them—until he’s forced to leave skid marks in your doorway to get home to “them.”
In his eyes, you’re perfect. Not quite perfect enough to immediately leave his wife and sweep you off the market so no other can have you, but perfect enough to be his mistress for like ever—or until his wife figures out he’s cheating—whichever comes first. Of course this isn’t an issue because you didn’t want a monogamous, committed relationship with a man who puts you first anyway.
Apart from the whole marriage thing, your relationship with Mr. Right Now is progressing swimmingly in your little adulterous Camelot until you’re overwhelmed by the unexpected presence of three guests: guilt, shame, and humiliation. I’m here to tell you to ignore those feelings and the impulse to call him and tell him it’s over. Frankly, your conscience is as stupid as your heart and knows not the sacrifice it’s asking you to make. To ease your angst, here are five great reasons to continue your affair:
1. You have low self esteem… and you’d like to keep it that way. Let’s face it, nothing says “I hate me” more than to willingly accept the second-class stepchild status you’ll be relegated to for the entirety of your relationship with this man.
2. Sharing is a good thing. After all, you don’t deserve a loving man of your own. Better to enjoy the short end of the stick than have no stick at all, even if it means destroying a family a tiny little bit. At least you don’t have to do laundry and cook–well, not in the kitchen anyway.
3. You’re no “ho”—hos do it for free. You’re so right. There’s another term for women who do it for pay. Hey, he’s wining and dining you, buying clothes and jewelry, paying a bill or two (maybe even the mortgage). Way to blow the kids’ college fund. It’s all good though because fair exchange is no robbery. Just be thankful you can’t put a price tag on character. That would really suck.
4. He’s going to leave… someday. OK, maybe not on his own. Perhaps he’ll leave after his wife after she finds out about your affair and throws his crap out onto the front lawn, you know, kind of like quitting your job after you got fired. Then you’ll have a real prize on your hands. A man who spent months, perhaps years, deceiving the women he loved. Now you have the honor of slipping right into her shoes. Yay for you! And his ex-wife, well, she knows exactly what you’re getting so keep an eye out for the thank you note.
5. You just want sex and don’t want or need a commitment. Hmph. Too bad his wife did. Still, it’s great that you found someone who gives you exactly what you want. Thank goodness you’ll never need more.
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