How to Get the Guy after a Casual Non-Date

Jessica Massa graduated magna cum laude from Harvard with a degree in psychology. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Elle, Variety, CNN.com, The Times of London, and Glamour.com, among others. She lives in Brooklyn.

CasualDateGaggle_400Have you been eyeing a cute teammate from your co-ed soccer league? Or you went to a Game of Thrones viewing party, and thought there was somewhat of a connection? Here’s a subtle way to see if he’s as into you as you are to him, from The Gaggle: How to Find Love in a Post-Dating World.

You’ve noticed that you and a certain guy seem drawn to each other in crowded rooms, like moths to a flame. But is that flame real? Or is it like those fake battery-operated candles you buy at Target, all artificial light but no heat? How can you make some sort of move to find out?

You’ve got to get him alone. Alone alone. Not “alone” in a dark corner of the party. Get alone in a setting, in person and/or online, where you can start getting to know each other with no social distractions.

You don’t need to ask him on a one-on-one date or make a grand gesture. Simply find a way to walk in the same direction as him after next weekend’s game. Establish an e-conversation by sending him an email (not the whole group—just him!) with a further thought about something you were discussing over burritos. Say that you’re meeting your friends after the game and you have an hour to kill in the meantime, and see if he offers to stick around for a bit. Send him a quick Facebook message about his latest funny status update.

Yes, it would be easier to use the fun, casual group dynamic to push your connection along. But connect as you may, there are certain places that flirting in a group might never take you.

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