How to Be Sexy, Not Silly

Jessica Massa graduated magna cum laude from Harvard with a degree in psychology. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Elle, Variety, CNN.com, The Times of London, and Glamour.com, among others. She lives in Brooklyn.

BlowingaKiss_400When trying to attract a guy, the last thing you want to be is too obvious. Here’s the story of Michelle, a 25-year-old PhD student who learned that the hard way. From The Gaggle: How to Find Love in a Post-Dating World.

Wait, sexiness has a middle ground between unshowered in sweats and stuffed into a bandage dress and Louboutins? You don’t say! Find that middle ground, and you’ll evoke hints of your natural sexuality that might make your guy friend sneak a second glance at you across the couch.

“It has a lot to do with body language,” Michelle confided. “You don’t have to be explicit to be sexy. There’s a difference between when a guy thinks of you as being just sexy, or as being an awesomely sexy amazing potential girlfriend. And it’s when you act sexy in a way that makes him think, ‘Wow, she’s not even trying and she’s really sexy,’ like in a homey way. It has to come from a comfortable place.”

The Gaggle

The Gaggle

by Jessica Massa

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So…no Spanx? Okay, got it. No Spanx.

“Guys aren’t stupid—they’re primal and basic, but not stupid,” Michelle swore. “I remember one time I was trying to be ‘sexy’ with a guy, and he was like, ‘Why did you just pull your shirt down and show me your cleavage?’ I was like, oh crap, he caught me! But that’s why it can’t come from a calculated place.

“Instead, I just think, how would I act with my long-term boyfriend? How would I be sitting? What would I be doing or saying? You just have to put yourself in the mind-set that you want to be in. It’s kind of backwards thinking.”

Michelle’s go-to move is to wear an oversized sweater that shows “one little part” of her body and thus makes her feel sexy, confident, and comfortable. Now think through your wardrobe. What’s your equivalent? Next time you two hang out, wear it and then get settled in on that couch.

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